Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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