she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
