...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
