o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize