Dual....:-)
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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