I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
