oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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