if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
