Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
