And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
