coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
