My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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