I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
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Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
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Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
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