So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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