i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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