Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
