I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
