If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
