How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Randomize
