I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
