I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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