The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
my liver is dry heaving
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Randomize
