About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Randomize
