just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
