things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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