my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
