I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
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