I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
