u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Can you bring me the toilet please
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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