We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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