It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
