remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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