I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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