Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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