And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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