We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Houston, we have a blender
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
