ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
