Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
