My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Randomize
