Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize