He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
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Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
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It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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