To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
