why didn't you poke me back
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Randomize
