Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
