apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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