Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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