dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
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I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
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it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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