what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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