New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
