??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
