I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
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