Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
