her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
