found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
