She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I just sucked dick on a ferry
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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