me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
