i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
