you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
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