I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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