THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
