Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
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Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
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"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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