I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
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