look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
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My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
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I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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