I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
